Children and Teens in Grief by Age

Children and Teens in Grief by Age: Nurturing Young Hearts Through Loss

Grieving is a complex process at any age, but for children and teens, it can be particularly confusing and overwhelming. Their cognitive and emotional development stages influence how they understand, express, and process grief. Adults often underestimate the depth of young people’s grief simply because they show it differently—or sometimes, not at all.

Understanding how grief affects children and adolescents helps caregivers, counselors, and loved ones provide the right kind of support, patience, and healing space.

Grieving in Early Childhood (Ages 2–6)

Young children often lack a full understanding of death’s finality. They may believe the person will return or that their own behavior somehow caused the death (a belief called “magical thinking”). Their grief can be sporadic—intense one moment and seemingly absent the next.

Common behaviors:

• Regressive behaviors (bed-wetting, thumb-sucking)

• Separation anxiety

• Repetitive questions about the deceased

• Play-based expressions of death or loss

How to support:

• Use simple, honest language (avoid euphemisms like “went to sleep”)

• Reassure them of safety and consistency

• Encourage expression through play, art, and storytelling

• Answer repeated questions with patience

Example:
When four-year-old Maya's grandmother died, she kept asking when “Nana would be back.” Her parents gently explained death in concrete terms and helped her draw pictures of special memories with Nana to reinforce understanding and emotional connection.

Grieving in Middle Childhood (Ages 7–12)

Children in this age group start to understand that death is permanent and happens to everyone. They may become preoccupied with the details of the death or show curiosity about what happens after. Grief can manifest through behavior, academic struggles, or physical complaints like headaches and stomachaches.

Common behaviors:

• Anger, guilt, or withdrawal

• Difficulty concentrating in school

• Somatic symptoms (headaches, stomachaches)

• Increased need for control or routine

How to support:

• Maintain routine and structure

• Offer creative outlets like journaling, crafts, or movement

• Encourage open conversations about emotions

• Be available to listen without trying to "fix" their grief

Example:
Ten-year-old Jayden began struggling in school after his uncle died. His teacher noticed his usual bubbly personality had faded. With support from the school counselor and family art therapy sessions, Jayden found healthier ways to process his sadness and confusion.

Grieving in Adolescents (Ages 13–18)

Teens are cognitively more equipped to understand death, but emotionally, they may feel isolated or misunderstood. Their grief may mirror adult grief in its complexity but is complicated by identity development, peer pressure, and emotional volatility.

Common behaviors:

• Mood swings or irritability

• Withdrawal from family or peers

• Risky behaviors or substance use

• Overachievement or underachievement

How to support:

• Encourage dialogue without forcing it—let them lead

• Validate all emotions without judgment

• Help them find trusted adults or mentors to talk to

• Offer opportunities for peer connection (e.g., grief groups for teens)

Example:
After the death of her older brother, 16-year-old Kiara started skipping school and became withdrawn. Her mom sought the help of a teen grief therapist and allowed Kiara space to express herself through music and poetry. Over time, Kiara used creative outlets to process her emotions and found connection through a peer-led grief circle.

What All Grieving Children and Teens Need:

• Consistency: Familiar routines and environments help provide safety.

• Permission to Feel: Let them know it's okay to cry, be angry, laugh, or ask questions.

• Modeling Healthy Grief: Adults should show emotions too—this normalizes the process.

• Physical and Emotional Safety: Create an environment where they feel emotionally and physically secure.

• Connection: Let them know they are not alone in their grief.

When to Seek Professional Help

While many children and teens grieve in healthy ways, some may benefit from professional support—especially if grief begins to impair daily functioning or results in severe emotional or behavioral changes.

Signs they may need additional support:

• Persistent sadness or depression

• Self-harm or suicidal thoughts

• Aggression or extreme withdrawal

• Significant decline in school performance

• Ongoing difficulty sleeping or eating

Helpful Resources for Kids and Teens in Grief

• Books:

  • The Invisible String by Patrice Karst (ages 3–8)

  • When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny Brown (ages 4–8)

  • Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert (all ages)

  • Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers by Earl Grollman (ages 13+)

• Organizations:

  • The Dougy Center (www.dougy.org)

  • National Alliance for Children's Grief (www.childrengrieve.org)

  • GriefShare for Teens (local groups)

  • Hospice-sponsored youth grief camps