Supporting Others Who Are Grieving

Supporting Others Who Are Grieving: How to Be There for Those in Pain

When someone we care about is grieving, it can feel difficult to know how to help. Grief is personal, and everyone experiences it in their own way. However, there are simple yet profound ways to show compassion and offer meaningful support.

While you can’t take away someone’s pain, your presence, kindness, and understanding can make a huge difference in their healing process.

1. Listen Without Judgement

The most powerful thing you can do for a grieving person is to listen. Allow them to express their feelings without trying to fix things or offer solutions. Grief is messy and complex, and sometimes, all someone needs is a compassionate ear.

Tips:

• Avoid offering platitudes like “It was their time” or “They’re in a better place.”

• Instead, say things like “I’m so sorry for your loss” or simply, “I’m here for you.”

• Let them speak without rushing to fill silences. Silence can be a comfort.

Example:
When Jack’s brother passed away, his friend Lisa simply sat with him, letting him cry without offering advice. Just being there meant the world to him.

2. Offer Practical Support

Grieving people may struggle with daily tasks like cooking, cleaning, or even answering the phone. Helping with practical tasks can lift some of the burden they may be carrying.

Ideas for support:

• Bring a meal or groceries.

• Offer to help with household chores or childcare.

• Run errands or drive them to appointments.

• Offer to help with funeral arrangements or paperwork.

Example:
Sarah was grieving the loss of her partner and had trouble keeping up with household chores. A close friend offered to help her clean the house, making the space feel a little less overwhelming.

3. Respect Their Grief Process

Everyone grieves differently, and there is no “right” way to mourn. Some may want to talk about the deceased constantly, while others may avoid discussing it. Be respectful of their needs, even if they don’t always make sense to you.

Consider:

• Check in with them regularly but don’t pressure them to respond.

• If they want to be alone, respect that space. If they need company, offer it.

• Understand that their grief may resurface unexpectedly—anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays can be especially difficult.

Example:
When Mark’s father died, his friend Emily noticed he wasn’t ready to talk about it. She gave him space but continued to text him check-ins, reminding him that she was there whenever he was ready.

4. Avoid Making It About You

While it’s natural to want to relate to the grieving person, avoid making the conversation about your own experiences with loss. Focus on the griever’s needs, not on your own emotions.

Instead of:

• “I know exactly how you feel. When I lost my dog, I was devastated.”

Try:

• “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I’m here to listen and support you.”

Example:
After losing his grandmother, Liam’s coworker offered him a sympathetic hug and said, “I’m so sorry. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.” Liam felt understood without feeling pressured to comfort anyone else.

5. Check In Long-Term

Grief doesn’t disappear after the funeral or the first few weeks. The loss is still very real for the person even after the initial shock fades. Regular check-ins—months after the loss—are often deeply appreciated.

Ideas for follow-up:

• Send a text or a handwritten note to let them know you're still thinking of them.

• Invite them to low-pressure activities, like going for a walk or having a cup of coffee.

• Acknowledge milestones like anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays with a simple “I’m thinking of you.”

Example:
Six months after Julie lost her husband, her friend Sandy sent her a text that simply said, “I’m thinking of you today. If you want to get together or talk, I’m here.” Julie felt comforted by this small, consistent gesture of care.

6. Encourage Professional Help, If Needed

Sometimes, grief becomes overwhelming and difficult to navigate alone. Encourage your grieving loved one to seek professional support if they’re struggling to cope.

Signs that professional help may be needed:

• Persistent feelings of hopelessness or depression

• Difficulty functioning in daily life (work, relationships, self-care)

• Self-destructive behaviors or thoughts of suicide

• Difficulty accepting the loss after an extended period of time

Example:
After a year of struggling with intense grief, Andrea’s friend gently suggested that she see a therapist to help her process the loss of her brother. Though initially resistant, Andrea found that therapy helped her express her feelings in a safe space.

Your Support Means Everything

Supporting someone through grief doesn’t require grand gestures; often, small, consistent acts of kindness have the most impact. Simply showing up—whether in person or through thoughtful messages—can help a grieving person feel seen and supported as they navigate one of life’s most difficult experiences.